July 17, 2009

Bad week, plus I got Depression

It’s hard not to be a little over-sentimental when you’re spinning in the tunnel of depression. I hate that feeling, aware that it’s hanging nearby. There are times when something in life sets it off and recently I’ve been spending a lot of my time consumed with anger and hatred, which directs to pitying myself, which goes right back to the anger, because why do I have to let it get to me? The stoic in me hates this bullshit, but here it comes.

I have had a problem with letting people I hardly know get into my head and mess me up. Sometimes it’s been bad. Other times it’s been really bad. When I’m in this phase I hate myself to the point that it weakens me. It makes me take it out on the good people in my life at first, and then when it gets bad; it makes me want to lock myself in my room all day. I start to daydream about that ideal world where people are happy with their jobs and at the end of a challenging day, discuss their great life over drinks. I remember thinking once, during a bad spell that I would be okay if I could just curl in bed and not move, for maybe a week.

I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing about this here, maybe because it’s not a big deal; it’s sort of just part of my life. Plus, I feel like its part of why I haven’t been writing lately and it’s easier just to write about that then to try and come up with a post. I guess I owe you some cheap humour folks, because this blabbering is probably freaking some of you out a little.

Anyway, I’m not anywhere near depression or anything yet. Maybe it’ll skip my house this year. If it does show up, I’ll bite down on my tree bark and wait it out. I am okay.
If y’all guys get a chance, then get your hands on this show called ‘The L Word’. It’s a show that I’ve been watching lately, about the lives of seven lesbians and their lovers in West Hollywood. I’ve become a huge fan of the show ever since I watched the entire first season over the weekend. And, I'm a straight woman. It’s radical, not only in relation to the gay community, but for the general populace too. In a time when some are still struggling for equality, this show has created a fictional place to run to, a space where anybody and everybody is accepted.

I have also still been listening to Soulmate’s music alot lately and my previous post about them got noticed. I kept on bragging about their music to all my friends, and gifting their albums from cd baby for friends on their birthdays. Tipriti, the vocalist, meanwhile returned to Shillong, and resumed playing her shows (which I’ve heard from some friends, whom have had the pleasure of seeing them live, is quite brilliant).
Emails have been exchanged, facebook friendship was born, and through it all I’ve felt like in some way I’ve been let into her world. And to be honest I feel lucky to have been included along the way. To everyone who hasn’t heard of Soulmate before, I urge you to explore their music. And to Tripriti, I must say that I am glad you’re making amazing music and I feel honored to be able to spread your talent around.

This is easily one of the grittiest tracks I’ve heard in a long time. And I think we might all need that once in a while. The track is entitled ‘Stay Away’ and it is, simply out of this world. Literally. To be honest I expect nothing less from this phenomenal vocalist.

Enjoy the track and have a good week.

4 Pulses Say:

Sia said...

Aw, snap out of that mood. The Big Guy must have something good in store for someone.


SMILE.

Eveline said...

Thank you for the kind comment, Sia. After I posted this and went to bed, I thought, "I'm probably going to wake up to a really weird comment." But this was so lovely. Thank you.

And I want to add: I'm doing okay. :)

ScarletTd1ar1es said...

hey. its ur blog so u can put up anything here. dum wry bout the readers. 2nd things: depression is pretty normal.
cheer up, remember hangover?

ps: ur blog template is darn gud.

Eveline said...

Thank you. Yes, i do remember Hangover and laugh everytime i think about my favourite scene from that movie. It slowed my roll to a near-standstill and I managed to get over it and I woke up the next morning depression-free. I’m fortunate enough to be almost constantly surrounded by friends who love and humor me, except for when I want to be alone and do my make-up. :P

Thanks again! Keep coming back.