Counselling Myself

It would be a boring betty-friendly world if our flights of imagination were confined to only those whom we really held in high opinion and loved. I’ve noticed that at times people find themselves attracted to people who hurt them (such as ex boyfriends); people we know we shouldn't be fantasizing about (married ex boyfriends) and people we don't even know (movie stars and dead heroes who shaped history). It's totally fine, as long as we’re on the right side of the law. What fascinates a person is a difficult principle. Some of it I can understand and I’m able to draw assumptions from — I like guys with long hair coz my first real boyfriend was the first person I loved to bits — and some I won't. I have no idea why I still have the hots for Robert Redford. I mean, look at him. He's a hundred years old (or at least very close to it). Attempting to make sense out of it is pointless. It's random, like my dreams. All I’m saying is that I’m done with judging myself for it. I guess it's quite normal to go out with someone who looks like my ex. (Readers, you want to chime in here?) I've done it and I don't worry about getting stuck in a rut or anything coz if my taste has changed once, it'll alter once again. If not, I’ll just go with the flow. As long as people don’t mess with me psychologically, who cares?

My ex - ‘M’ comes back to the city in a week. It never worked out between us coz we both expected things neither could give. Nevertheless, we are still very good friends. I guess one thing I consistently do is have a lot of contact with my exes. I’m definitely not a pain-avoidant.

After the breakup I take time to go through my own sort of healing process but I do start interacting with my exes after I’m completely over them and when it's much easier and more enjoyable to hang out with them as a friend. As a result of which, most of my male friends are my exes. ‘M’ comes in time for my birthday which means that I have an extra friend to celebrate with- more presents!

I spent a significant amount of time today planning for my birthday. I’ve decided to have a themed party! Yeah and it’s a gothic one. Planning is still underway and lots of lists to come up with so I’ve got Ash to help with all of it.

For those of you who are interested in the recording below by David Usher and it is quite amazing. It’s worth listening to it just for the acoustic version of ‘The Music’ (and the rest of the tracks are equally compelling). I still love David Usher three years and a thousand playbacks since I heard it the first time. If you like this song then I highly recommend listening to ‘black black heart’. It sounds great.