October 31, 2008

One might guess from my previous post that I am grumpy about this; one would be correct.

My entry for today was going to center upon the process by which I have managed to live twenty-five years without accomplishing anything. However, I thought that would be too predictable.

Instead, I will list some things I have achieved.

(Please note that this is not to boast. I detest a braggart. You need not read another word if you dont want to. I do this for myself.)

My Successes (in no particular order)

Although my expenses are astronomical, I have managed to buy myself all the things I dreamt of for years. Further, I made more money this year than last year, and will make more still next year. (This is a modest amount by most standards, but I made it on my own.)

When I have a problem, I may obsess over it unduly, but eventually, I do my best to solve it.

Since I began this blog earlier this year, I have written over a hundred posts with single-spaced text. This year, I have also successfully created and maintained another blog and I am thinking about starting a third.

I am particularly honest and usually not afraid to say what I think.

Although I appreciate comfort, I have learned not to fear change or taking on new challenges.

Despite devastating experiences in my youth, I have managed to grow up relatively sane.

I have many wonderful friends who, for some reason, love me.

I have learned to ask for what I want.

For over a year, I have maintained my part of a more-or-less healthy single life.

I am more myself now than I have ever have been before. I behave the way the rest of the world secretly behaves in the privacy of their homes. I talk loudly, giggle loudly and let my personality quirks run wild.
What it comes down to is this. When all you have is crowds, you can either get lost in them or stand out in them, marching to the beat of your own drum.

This morning, I woke up at an unholy hour, convinced that I was adored. It was that some of my regular readers visited this journal on Tuesday, had seen fit to leave a comment as desired (scroll down if you don’t know what I’m talking about). And now I love the whole universe, and I suppose that’s enough love for anybody, reciprocated or not and that’s how I got through the boring day.

Truth is as much about what is not said as what is. You could read all of this and think that you know me, but you do not know me. On the other hand, today I witnessed a lie that was the most honest thing I have ever stumbled onto. A track called ‘Leaving Town Alive’. Sung by Bethany Joy (you might recognize her from the serial ‘One Tree Hill’). I had the feeling that it was created from nothing—from everything—just for me, that everyone else vanished when the music started and the artist began to sing the truth.