June 04, 2008

Shouting at the Dead

I’ve got to mention a gorgeous little gentleman (GIG) and while I'm at it I should mention that he rescued me from an awful day. We’ve seen each other at events and chatted a bit but never really spoken before. So, we met up yesterday and discussed Jim Morrison (Yum!), Women’s movement, Tamil and the ex I was trying to avoid looking at. I will spare you the description of the convulsions that racked my mind as I contemplated whether I should walk up and say hi to my ex or not to. GIG kept looking at my straying eyes and to drag me back to reality, he raised his voice and all was well- he had my full attention. But after a minute or so I would try sneaking a peek again and GIG would repeat the same exercise.

After awhile I figured he had had enough of my distraction and asked me if we could leave. I finally gathered up the courage, went up to my ex and said hi. After that was done, GIG took me to the parking lot and just when he was about to take out his bike, he asks me if I wanted pani puri… It’s been ages since I’ve eaten chat, so I said yes.
Apparently, the guy serving us knew GIG so he said something to him in Tamil that made GIG blush! Something about me… I didn’t bother to ask for a translation.

I got a call from an old friend. She’s working on Vodafone’s new advertising campaign. She needs interesting faces. Asked my twin and me to make it. Got to go for a screening first. Will let you know how that goes.

I am in love with him and can’t deal with the fact that he’s moving on to someone new. Every time we see each other I manage to have a smile plastered on my face. This of course was made more difficult by my constant uncertainty about whether me smiling like that would come across as just plain creepy. As soon as he would walk away I would commit ritual suicide in my head because I don’t really know what else I can do to put myself out of my misery. I’d jump out of my balcony but I’m only on the first floor so I don’t suppose I’d cause myself much damage. Pesky things infatuations can be!

"Miles away,
No; you're never turnin' back,
I just can't wait anymore
Miles away,
Nothin' left of what we had,
Just when I needed you most...
You were miles away..."

- 'Miles Away' by Winger

One-Note Wonder - The Bangalorean Eccentric

I’ve never been much of a performer. But it’s really what music does to you before it even reaches the audience. That’s the only reason why singers keep performing. It goes beyond fame, wealth or the audience. Why do I write about music or who do I sing for? Well, it’s plain and simple: I do it for me. I do rob others if I do not share it. But I rob myself most of all if I do not write or sing. A friend asked me once- ‘Do you love music that much?’ ‘Hell yeah!’, I said. “If I didn’t, there’d probably be something wrong with me.” The excitement I get from it is much like when little Lucy found that huge wardrobe. There’s something spiritual about it. Something natural. Something raw. When it feels right you don’t need to apologize for it or justify it.
Are there dimensions to music that drive us as performers or writers- Dimensions related to art? I think so. I believe if we never had these natural drives, then we are something less than artists and our art may appear unreal. Sometimes our fear cuts us off from normal feelings. We often doubt our drives. But I guess the motivation one experiences as an artist transcends ambition.

Ray Charles once said, “I realize everybody’s gotta eat and a lot of people have jobs they don’t like. But when it comes to music, if you can’t get turned on by what you’re doing, then go to work at the post office.”

Shadowing John!

Something else I read on HIS blog-

“What now, then? I can only really say for myself:

Enjoy who I am, the talents and the liabilities.

Stop acting careless. In fact, care more.

Be vulnerable but stay away from where it hurts.

Read. See more shows. Of any kind. Rock shows, art shows, boat shows. Create more art.

Wear hoodies to dinner.

Carry a notebook and hand it to people when they passionately recommend something and ask them to write it down for me.

Root for others.

Give more and expect the same in return, but over time.

Act nervous when I'm nervous, puzzled when I don't know what the hell to do, and smile when it all goes my way. And never in any other order than that.

And when it's all over, whether at the end of this fabulous career or of this life, which I hope takes place at the same time, I should look back and say that I had it good and I made the most of it while I was able. And so should you.

I'm going quiet now.”

- John Mayer