June 03, 2010

About A Guy

I don’t know what exactly makes you want to be with someone. Since the age of eighteen, I've had somewhere between two and nine, depending on how you add it up. I try not to. Not very far back, I was certain that being in a relationship was crappy, that people in long-term relationships were reserved and uninteresting. In my brain, insistent singleness was the way to go. I was having a splendid time, going out for fancy dinners and coffee dates. But was it dating? There weren't several definite dates. But whatever I was doing, it was fun. And I liked being alone. The plans I had with whoever was to only put off the idea of commitment, not encourage it.

Then came along Long-Distance Guy.

And the fact that he lives in a different city makes me feel like I’m going to explode at times. If this were the movie it started out as, we'd have been holding each other right now. But despite the awfulness of distance we’re trying. There are times when I’ve said, "Eff it, I can do without this," and then he says, "I'll call you tonight, okay?"
And he does. We speak, and I realize that for the moment neither of us are going anywhere. Even if he isn’t with me, he will be soon.

Like most women in the history of life on earth, I imagined that if there were someone for me; it would be some blazing, angry rock star. I predicted feelings stimulated by rage, cruel immorality, and alcohol abuse. (I don't know where I got any of this. I think I was allowed to watch The Doors once.) But that's not Long-Distance Guy.
Once, I heard that having someone in your life isn't about holding a try out for guys for the role; it's about finding someone you care enough about to write the part for.

Writing about this movie I had seen years ago titled "Once" almost feels like treachery: It's such an unpretentious, ordinary film - two people falling in love - which should be the simplest kind of story to tell, but I fear I might constrict it by reviewing it.
And it’s not just the acting and the story that’s excellent, but also the music. The track ‘If you want me’ in the movie  is full of longing, the tuneful song shifting like water against a shoreline, and shutting my eyes, I dream of making it to Ireland. But for now I'll settle for listening to the songs from the soundtrack, which I got from a colleague.

It’s been a privilege to be able to bring music to all of you. Thank you to everyone who has stopped by or is currently following this web page. And, as always, enjoy the music.