Five reasons why my day isn’t so good- The air conditioning at work makes my fingers numb and makes me visit the bathroom hourly. The cold virus is up and about and I haven’t got it yet which only means that when it actually does catches up with me I’m going to be out like a sedated beast. My American boss has not been very merciful on my audit scores. My TL and I have been working out ways to prove his case wrong. Mr. Flirt has not had any time for me lately. And finally, I’m just awfully moody. I’ll try a cigarette for now because my pills will just knock me out and there is much blogging left to do.
So, I made plans with my friend Ash this weekend. Hopefully a change in surroundings will perk up the mood, as I’ve been particularly down in the dumps these past couple of days- I’ve always known I was perfect material for an early mid-life crisis. Lately, I’ve been having nightmares. Which is kinda weird since it’s been a long while since I’ve even dreamt. These nightmares usually involve some ugly revelation about something or somebody I really like. For the past few years, it seems I’ve shut down my brain, turned on the autopilot switch and now it’s like all psychological blockades are falling apart from growing old. Goodness, I really have a problem with this age thing. I find it funny how something that used to excite me before, doesn’t anymore. Few things in life feel new. I guess that’s why most old people travel to find something fresh and experience something new. But what happens if you don’t like traveling? Then I suppose you live your life like one of those characters T.S Eliot was talking about in ‘The Wasteland’- Not living but just existent pieces of flesh. Don’t you just love Eliot? For me, He and Nostradamus were so much alike. They had that whole shock factor thing going. Nostradamus was the monster when I was growing up. My parents made me watch those scary movies of his when I was a kid. In college, it was Eliot. But then again I have people I care about, beliefs I hold onto and music to make me feel like I have some sort of purpose after all.
So, I just wait for something good to come my way.
‘Sonnet’ by ‘The Verve’ is undoubtedly the most beautiful track from the album ‘Urban Hymns’ released in 1997. Since a sonnet is really a terribly ordered piece of poetry. I always thought the song was a reference to love not being perfect, the way it seems in poetry. Seriously, this is a wonderful track to have stumbled upon this month and I’m convinced that this song should go up on the post today. Enjoy at your leisure.
People ask me why I am attracted to cute, extraordinarily self-involved people who are into the arts be it photography, painting, singing etc. Weirdly I feel some measure of inexplicable desirability towards them. When I get into it, I’m always thinking that this one is different from all the others and he proves it just for a few days. He recharged batteries you thought were dead, boosted your fading morale and massaged your deserted ego. And then your little trip is over when he doesn’t really give a damn to know what you like anymore. He doesn’t want to get your hints and he can’t care less if he’s pushing the right buttons. You think both of you are trying to make this work. Really, it’s just you trying and then it gets a little sticky and you go home, curled up in bed thinking ‘it’s my fault’ and you see, that’s exactly what he wants. The artist, never likes to nudge or hint or take his hand and move it or even blurt out ‘It’s over’. No, they’re difficult for a reason. They’re out there to make you realize that you don’t fit into their made up little complex world, you don’t fit into his ritual and you’re just an interchangeable character in his script. When you’ve been at this game as long as I have, the hope that others maybe different from your ex, is hard to come by. There’s a place for optimism, of course, but please, I’d have to be crazy to live there. So, I’ve decided I’m going to make some changes. I, honestly, do not like older men because I think they’ve had their share of fun and I’d be too childish for them. But I think I’m going to give them a try. I already have one in mind. This is sure to give me some instant content to work with.
I feel like my head is going to split even more than usual because today I consumed no tea and no sugar. I did this because I am so addicted to the book ‘You Are Here’ written by our girl The Compulsive Confessor. I have been sitting bolt upright at work since morning reading the book. If I had a book like that to read everyday I would never be depressed again.
Sometimes blogging can be as much of a curse as it is a blessing. Let me start with the blessing. I usually have lots of time to listen to loads of music. The curse comes into play when I love a band and I have them on repeat for a few months before they’re drowned out by the latest bands everyone simply must listen to. Sometimes old and less famous favorites get lost in this mish mash of new music. Fortunately, for the music world last week my boss introduced me to a band called The Pineapple Thief. I’ve listened to this particular track called ‘Shoot First’ countless times that I sing along to aloud, regardless as to who’s listening. Here is enough that could easily qualify as a good starting point for your Pineapple Thief love affair.
Pecos
Church street, Brigade Road
Drinks consumed: many beers
It is at last certain that I am old.
And what has made me accept this sudden revelation? Is it because my back aches whenever I sit for too long or because I’m constantly sighing? Or is it the abundant use of white eye shadow I’m forced to resort to conceal my tiredness? The trouble I have in remembering simple words? No, it’s none of these. But it’s something quite close. I don’t get my tummy. And before those of you who know me say, oh no, you look great, let me tell you that I weighed more the past few weeks than I have in 5 years. How does this makes me old, you ask. Well, my body is slowing down. The rate of losing fat has been abnormally unhurried. Now, when I really want to fit into something tight, I realize I actually have a stomach that doesn’t look too enticing on my tiny frame. I was soon thrown into a mental picture of a fat woman with flabby parts bumping into people. The entire thing was disastrous and I decided I needed to go on a diet immediately. I am considering organ removal. That ought to be my passport to weight loss. I don’t really need both of my kidneys anyways.
There are other options of course,
1. I’d hang on to my organs and just start shooting up. I hear meth/heroin addiction seems to keep people quite thin.
2. But then I also hear TB is totally the way to go these days for weight loss. Problem is, how would I kiss my boyfriend (not that I have one, but if I do) through an oxygen mask? Nevermind.
3. meth + hepatitis = model.
4. Fluid retention.
5. Good old fashioned food poisoning I hear helps you drop seven pounds in a week. I'm sure I can find plenty of eateries around here to help me out with contracting it.
6. Thoughts to bulimia?
These should work, but they all seem bloody extreme. I’ll most likely lose the weight but I’m sure I’ll look quite terrible once it’s done (in the unlikely event that I actually survive).
As of yesterday, I’ve started working on an exercise routine at home which will help me get some abs instead of a cute bulge as everyone else likes to call it. My diet will of course exclude avoidance of alcohol and meat. For I surely will die if I don’t have them. If you can help, please let me know. That’s if you’re willing to be helpful to the aged.
Why won’t I go to the gym? Oh no! A couple of days at the gym below my office left me quite embarrassed when I almost fainted. I looked so graceless, I couldn’t stand it. I wanted the floor to open up, swallow me whole. So I’ve decided that the next time my strength runs out I’ll much better like it if it happened on my floor.
Forgive my shift in music, but while I focus on my health I’ve been searching for music to help me exercise to. I’ve had the amazing luck to find a singer that’s been influenced by Portishead but drapes a delicious dance beat across the song. This is what pop music should aspire to be. Solid verses, catchy chorus, hooks you’ll be humming for days. Honestly, it’s that good. This is magic contained in 3 amazing minutes.
Have fun this weekend in whatever state, country or continent you’re currently residing. Cheers and come back often.
Natalie Walker- 'Pink Neon'
