Enough of Nothing

I envy friends of mine who know exactly what they want to do and where they want to go in life. I envy their courage to risk it all. Like for instance, people who know that at a certain age they want to tie the knot or others who study for a certain course cause they know being a designer or a singer is all what they want to be. I wish I had a singular dream like theirs. For me, this week I’ll intensely believe that I can only work in a music related business and then next week, I’ll probably want to be a writer and then who knows, the week after that I’ll resolve to continue to refine what I’m already doing with hardly anything changed.

When I was in college, we had the book ‘The French Lieutenant’s Woman’ by John Fowles on our syllabus. Last night I watched the movie. The verdict? As usual, the book was better than the movie.

My sister and I were talking about the things we’ll need for our new place. We’ll have to make do with just the necessary stuff for the first few months and then slowly start buying furniture and other appliances. That’s the price I pay for living on my own, I guess. It’s a cool feeling in a way though. After all, isn’t growing up learning to take care of yourself?

Sometimes I tell myself that I’ve got to change but then I’ll be different. I feel like I already am. I’m just afraid that if I’m satisfied with the way I am right now then where’s the impetus to make it better? Feels like I’m all tied up in knots.
Are you going crazy reading this? Then you’re feeling what I’m feeling. Now I’m not sure what point I was trying to make.

CK, the new hotness, came into work today, in formals. Been working with him for a year now and I’ve never seen him formals. I can’t say enough about it. He looked pretty smart.

Yesterday, I turned on the television, just in time to see British rock band Athlete’s ‘Wires’. It’s the lead single from their second album, Tourist. The track sounds hauntingly beautiful. It’s been said that the song was written by lead singer Joel Potts, after his daughter was born prematurely.

‘Running, down corridoors through, automatic doors
Got to get to you, got to see this through
First night of your life, curled up on your own
Looking at you now, you would never know’

Attempts to Heal Myself

I got up at noon and that was the best sleep I’ve had in months. Had breakfast and checked Facebook for awhile. Caught up with my sis. Haven’t seen her all week. Moving- out- day is coming very close and I still have to let my parents know about the decision. Today was pretty uneventful. Cleaned my room and watched The Bank Job.

I generally write when I’ve got something bothering me and writing it out is a way for me to find expression for the unease, pressure or rage I feel. I’d prefer writing things I’ve experienced, with the intention of being objective, where the magic is between the lines. I need to do more of that.

This guy I like came online today. Somehow we don’t talk like we used to anymore. Maybe he expected that a night of fun would just be that. Apparently, I took things seriously and I seemed to have scared him away. God, I miss him. Kind of inspiring in a way that he left to do something he was passionate about. But also not. I’ll bet he hurt a lot of people. But it’s okay because he’s an artist, right? Or is it okay because we all hurt people even if we try not to? Why do I wonder? Whywhywhywhywhy. Whinewhinewhine.

So if you e-mail somebody a few times and he doesn't respond. There are three possibilities:

Possibility No. 1 - It doesn't matter if you send multiple mails or messages and get him irritated. He wasn't interested in you to begin with. Then he deserves the annoyance for being absolutely inconsiderate.

Possibility No. 2 - Eventually he gets to your many messages and responds since he is your soul mate.

Possibility No. 3 – If he never gets to your mails, well, you're just fucked and not in a good way.
Of course, if he still hasn’t written to you it’s cause he’s been so busy with something important and he finally checks his mail and sees the many messages from this total psycho who seemed kind of charming and funny at first but is clearly not someone he wants in his life?
Not that any of this is going through my head.

But if, by chance, you are reading this and still remember the drunken night at 13th Floor then please mail me.

Last Saturday at Taika’s was pretty insane. I’ve never seen a club packed so full of people dancing to Boney M. The crowd at most of these clubs is so funny. You have your regular clubber types… then your sloppy drunk types… and finally the most entertaining bunch… the middle aged types. I don’t know where I fall in. Used to belong to the first group a long time ago, now I think with a sufficient amount of alcohol in my body it’ll be the second type. I saw a guy in pajamas. Wish I had taken my camera with me.

I need to give my drum sticks away. They stare at me quite cruelly, a constant reminder of an unaccomplished passion. I figure if the sticks are just going to be sitting here, I should give it to someone who would actually put them to use.

I’m sick of being depressed. How do people who are happy stay happy? How do they ignore all the shit that happens in the world and not feel guilty? I really want to know and be like them.
I wish I was a better Christian. I think I’d be a lot happier.

Switchfoot's 'Only Hope':

Vexing the Purists

For as long as we’ve communicated they’ve also been ways to restrict it. In the present, every idea – be it written, verbally and musically is criticized first by someone or another. What seems like human right to one seems like rebellion to another. Expression, no matter through which medium, is always challenged and questioned. This was the main theme of the play last night. Beneath the humor, the rhythm and the choreography lay an important message – art, constantly the target of the Indian censor board. There were three characters that performed their best and made the crowd respond to each and every move. The director- Ajay Krishnan, too was part of the action. An onlooker. He looked very much like the director and the audience at the same time. It’s been long since I’ve watched a play and seeing it last night only made me tell myself that I’ve got to do more of this in the future. So Runa and I decided to make it back to Rangashankara on Sunday for the play titled ‘Double, Triples and Quadruples’. The posters looked interesting and I figured it’s the best way to spend the Sunday evening.

Ajay Krishnan - Director

“Laugh lines :

“Our stars are not aligned. Your rahu is in my khetu” –
Vinod’s response as a female politician to Gulshan’s question about why they
cannot be together, as he presses against her.

“Dry humping is part of
Indian culture” – Gulshan’s response as the senior censor official about why
pelvic thrusts shouldn’t be banned in films.”

I’m done with four trips through Coldplay’s new album- ‘Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends’. And good news for all you Coldplay fans- It’s everything you wanted and expected to hear, maybe even better. When we heard the premier of the single ‘Viva La Vida’ on the radio, Runa thought that they had experimented with a new sound because there was none of that trademark piano sound. Hey Runa, good news! If you liked the old piano based Coldplay sound there are songs here for you. With the four boys fronted by Chris Martin each and every song on this album is unyielding and different from beginning to end. I highly recommend this album to all Coldplay and non- Coldplay fans. Kudos boys for the stellar work.


Yesterday, at the play I met an old friend- actually an old crush. Met him for the first time during Christmas of 2002. He was a tabla maestro, a photographer, a DJ and he had the weirdest hairstyles that made me adore him all the more. We spoke for hours on nights that seemed endless and when we’d meet it would be so hard to keep a straight face and not look hopelessly in love. He left to Mumbai a few years ago and I never heard from him until last night. It was great catching up with him. He looked rather ordinary with all that crazy hairstyling gone. Not that that’s a bad thing.

For my late night caller. My new Coldplay favorite - 'Violet Hill'

Clash of Keys and Notes

Today is the day for theatre! It’s the last day for the play ‘Butter and Mashed Bananas’ to be shown in Bangalore and I can’t wait to see what this very talented director has in store for the audience. If you are anywhere in the vicinity of Rangashankara, Jayanagar, I strongly encourage you to go and treat yourself to this play I’ve heard so much about.

There has been an artist that I’ve been meaning to write about for sometime now. He spells raw talent and it has been a pleasure to get to know him and his music for a year now. Airto Edmundo is a singing sensation from the Netherlands and to be honest he might sound pretty much the same as countless other contemporary artists hitting the airwaves right now. I would like to point out that he’s pretty much the same, but not exactly the awkward lone R&B artist everyone expects to hear when they tune into the Ryan Seacrest show and VH1. It’s just that every time he sings a song it sounds spot on great and his voice makes everything slightly rose colored. So check out his music on YouTube or on MySpace and five years from now you can sit back and say, “Well, I saw homemade videos of this guy before you even knew who he was.” And of course you can thank me for giving you this little insight into the musical gem that Airto is, but I’d rather you check him out and listen to all his music – covers and originals.

I think my musical taste seems far from the music most of the world seems to be engrossed with and to be honest most of the bands I write about might never ever make it due to lack of contacts and music biggies pushing them to the top. But I sense real talent in these bands and I really love the songs. I’m just doing my part out here- sharing the love through music.

Airto singing 'Superstar' (Luther Vandross)

Admiring Arnel

I've been told that I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies which I totally agree with. My folks wanted me to see a shrink once but I guess they’ve grown used to my wackiness.
Washing my hands every few minutes- lady Macbeth style. If a picture was placed in a certain angle, then a certain angle it had to be in the next time I saw it. Any slight move to objects in my bedroom would mess me up totally. I’m not that bad now. I’ve seemed to have gotten used to the fact that I can’t clean up the place or myself every waking minute.
When I think that I could have a problem or a phobia, I just take a look at the people around me and I can easily find someone waaaaay whacko than I am!

I love my job, especially the process I’m in right now. I finish most of my work in the first few hours of the day then I get myself a hot cup of tea- not nice, just hot and that really helps when you’re working in an igloo. For the rest of the day it’s me and the radio. I always tune into the Jeremy Bradley show in the afternoons and keep in touch with the music on the charts. I laugh when I think how much better my workplace is now than my previous Hellhole with a certain tight-pant boss. I really hope to last long in this place.

My mom has been trying to be really nice to me lately. Her way of making peace with whatever's happened. I actually like it and I’m going to miss it. I haven’t given up on moving out. It’s something I just have to do. But thanks maw…for all you’ve done.

This post is dedicated to Arnel Pineda. If you haven’t heard of him then you probably need to expand your daily Youtube diet to include more than just this lonely corner of the web. For those of you who are still in the dark, Arnel is the new vocalist of the band Journey. My friends and I have been watching his videos and listening to him ever since we heard about him last year. He was part of the Zoo and I have never heard anyone sing ‘Faithfully’ or ‘Roxanne’ so damn well. I’m waiting for Journey’s new album to come out – and this I believe could be their greatest album to date. As part of The Zoo, Arnel's moments of brilliance are quite obvious in each and every video.

The first time I watched a video of The Zoo - Arlen Pineda wasted no time in grabbing a hold of my mind with a subtle intimacy that is both comforting and quietly desperate. From the opening seconds of the song there exists a brilliant quality to this voice that remains mysteriously intangible after repeated listens. His songs are for everyone. Music that reaches out from someplace barely imagined yet entirely recognizable. Songs from our past that speak kindly to us even in the present. Songs that you can listen to time and again.

While some acts bring a combination of multi production and layer to their music, Arlen Pineda relies on letting art speak for itself and the magic of talent shine through.

Here's Arnel Pineda singing 'Roxanne'