Oceans without Walls

I screwed up the weekend. I acted like such a dimwit on Friday that I spent the entire weekend getting over the hangover and regretting it all. I realized I had lost out on a chance to take some amazing pictures on Friday night because the batteries in my camera died on me. But I’m happy that after such a long time the entire crew was able to make it. I’m just sad that I didn’t capture any of those moments.

On Saturday evening I replied to the crooner’s message and then the sms’es just kept flowing in. On Sunday, I told myself a 100 times over that I’ll have to let him go. I was pretty proud of myself for not giving into his charm and it would be rather awesome if I could keep this up. But sometimes I think of just picking up the phone and dialing his number. I just have to continue to push myself. Keep myself moving into that place where I won’t feel so weak, so emotional. Mental conflict! I think it’s time for me to crawl back into my little shell. It’s kept me quite safe and I’ve been doing it for a long time. So I’ll be stunting my social growth now more than ever.

I’m really mad about losing my mind. My friends really dislike the crooner and it makes it even harder when I can’t talk to them about my feelings for him. Today, I’ve gotten myself to the office with a note in my head, which I keep going over again and again:

Slow down. Waaaayyyy Down.

Think twice before you react to something. Don’t snap at people just cos you’re in a bad mood.

And, always carry spare batteries.

Is it just me or does anyone else out there need to listen to music to do any work? I just can’t concentrate on what I’m doing, be it writing or working, if I can’t have music playing in my head. That’s me during the beginning of the day. Post lunch it’s just music. No work, no videos, just listening to music. The aim is to just listen - every note, every word, every second of it and try to take all of it in.

I wish I knew how to deal with things.

I wish I was somewhere else right now.

I wish I could let go of the people in this world.

I wish I could do something that matters.

I think Foo Fighters should be given more accolades, more power and more love. Sure they’re huge but they are so much more than just that a band. They are masters of everything they touch. Everything. I have a weakness to like anything that they’ve worked on. This is an acoustic version of the song ‘Everlong’ and I think it sounds brilliant. I grabbed the audio, converted it to a delectable little mp3 and I’m putting it up here. This is for the crooner Have a great Monday y’all!

What Am I, Chopped Liver?

So many things bothered me when I was much younger, especially the way I looked. It constantly made me burst out in self-pity. Now, I feel sorry for my boyfriends of the past who had to put up with my anger and self- loathing. I can’t really say that I’ve gotten over all the insecurities and vulnerabilities. But now I feel like I’m in a much better place. Parts of my heart have been fractured, not by others but by my own choices and my own inability to make good choices.

Last night, I went to the Opus to watch Tony play. I don’t remember any of the songs sung, but I do remember Tony strumming the place red. Before I got to the venue I had a major brawl with my folks. Bad news, I’m not moving out. Now, I won’t have to reach into my savings or dream about the blinds and décor I want to pick out for the new place.

Anyways, back to the show. So I went to Opus with the intention of getting myself piss drunk. I get there and say a little prayer- ‘puh-leez let me not see the crooner tonight, NOT TONIGHT!’ God apparently had plans of his own because as soon as I realized that the coast was clear, HE walks in….and what a walk that was. I keep playing the moment in my head. Each time slower and slower. Okay, I need to snap out of it. So, he walks in and…and… Lord! I need to stop doing this. Moving on… he meets all his buddies and then sits at our table. That boy had some testicular fortitude to sit at my table after all the shit he’s given me. I spared myself no mercy and downed the screwdrivers as fast as I could. Things went hazy. My mind felt light and the guys on stage were like a movie playing on mute. CK asked me to sit next to him, so I did. The crooner sat next to him. We got into a conversation. After 6 months we actually talked. Somewhere during our banter CK disappeared and it was just the two of us. Conversation turned to flirting- involuntary on my part! And before we knew it, I was wiping sauce off his skin and he spoke of our dates. We fought to pay the bill. He paid it, but it was stupendously sensational when he held my hand for that brief moment. Look at me, I sure sound like one love struck puppy. It was time to go and I was so drunk, I couldn’t stand so I was escorted out of the place with the help of my crew. I hugged my crooner and left. I don’t remember what happened after that. My mind kinda went into shut down mode.

Checked my messages in the morning. One from the crooner. Ignored it. There’s no way I’m putting behind the hours and days of hurt and giving into him this easy. Spent the rest of the day with my niece. I never thought I would love anyone else, other than me, so much. I don’t really intend to have kids of my own so this one will always be my treasure.



Ah, Tori Amos. Her music sounds like an eclectic mix of intoxicating fervor. Ever seen her videos? It’s quite a sight. She can make any guy strip and every woman gay with the way she takes to the piano, legs placed quite seductively. While she sings she tosses her curly tresses- the movement magical, exquisite and slow. The world seems so beautiful.
In 2000 , Tori had been placed into the Rock n Pop Hall of Fame. She was one of the few women to be placed into this hall of fame so far.

The track below was without a doubt her biggest hit. It's not difficult to see why. It's a trip, it’s catchy and you can tune-out to it. She’s always given her fans something to slobber over. This is one of my favorites. If you don’t own a Tori Amos album I seriously suggest you go out and get it. It's well worth owning.

(You'd might want to turn up the volume on this track)

Reflections on Music and Events

I made a decision today… on impulse. A series of events had kinda driven me to this. The end result was... (No, I didn’t quit!) I applied for another job. Fingers crossed.
I’m having a hard time with the thought of leaving the friends I’ve made here but I think it’s time that I find a job related to writing, either for doing reviews and feature articles or whatever else there is. I don’t really know if I want to leave my company but I’m checking my options out there because that’s the kind of thing I hear irrational people do.

What do I need for my new house? That’s the question I’ve been asking everyone I know. I’ve been keeping a list of all the necessary things I’ll need for our new place. Fear, I’ll have to reach into my savings if a few other unforeseen necessities come up.
Man, I hope we’re still moving.

Do you ever get annoyed when you’re standing next to this guy, who's looking in your direction and says something. You ask, ‘Whaaat??’ and realize that he’s wearing one of those damn

blue tooth ear pieces and talking on it? I felt like bitch slapping that guy. But it wouldn’t be all that annoying if I got myself one of those babies.

My good friend Tony Das is going to perform at the Opus (again) this friday. So, even if you’ve something better to do (which I doubt, because it’s Tony performing at the Opus), get your butt there and book yourself in for a treat.

I live in the south of India where nothing bizarrely amazing ever happens. Which is probably why I have so much free time to listen to music and write posts daily.

Once again, the time has come for me to post my favorite track for the day. For those of you interested (I’m pretending that you care and you pretend that you’re reading this) you can listen to the track by hitting ‘play’. Close your eyes while you listen to this track. Try it. It’s better than drugs and it’s free. This song has everything in it to make it a new piece of art. I know the album has only been out for a little time, but this single hits all the right buttons at all the right moments. Coldplay brings ya ‘Lost’:

It's Only as Good as It Sounds

It looks like I’ve been running out of things to say nowadays. Maybe I should be doing something to get those creative juices flowing. Like smoke a joint or down a cup of hot scalding tea- nawh, that’ll just wake me up. Although, that seems to be the only thing accessible at work.
I’m working on finding something new that’ll make me feel warm. No luck though. Checked some videos, but nothing really clicked with me. I’m not giving up hope but I’m starting to feel kinda sick. There’s so much great music from the past that I’ve never heard before and I’m trying to dig for it.

It’s really weird when I talk to friends or people who have read my blog. Sometimes I feel like I’m just repeating something that the person would’ve already read. I sorta like the idea of maintaining a blog. It really helps me in having no choice but to accept myself the way I am.
For the guys reading this, it’s fine to tell me that you read stuff here. Actually please do. I can get into a long winded explanation of how there’s a lot more going on than what I usually write here.

Sometimes I’m really impressed with myself. Other times not so much.

Most of us, from a very a young age, start to think and discover things we like about life. The things that really bring you passion, move you, make you so ecstatic. Then as you get older and as those hormones set in you realize you want to meet someone who feels passionate about the same things you do... same music... similar books… same movies. Although, during this time you never really set out to meet people like that. Because hoping to meet someone who has those same quirks and likes as you is just being idealistic. Then you grow older. The hormones have set in. You realize that all that similarity crap is just plain boring and that sometimes its way better to meet people who are a little bit different than you are. That weird feeling when you’re around each other, called chemistry... I want to meet someone else who can understand this.



With songs like “Solitude,” “I’ll Be,” and “Could Not Ask For More,” my man, Edwin McCain knows how to put his hands on the pulse of music. For more than ten years, the alternative, indie singer-songwriter has been a staple in an ever-changing music industry.

If Edwin McCain has touched you, puh-leez raise your hand and give me a hellyeahh!

New post by Mister Mayer

Finally! he wrote another post:

I know I've written along these lines before, but do you know why it matters? Because someday you're going to be old, and things are going to change. Your body is going to turn on you. I already know where the L-5 and L-6 discs in my back are, because they're wearing down a little, and when I ask the doc how we lick this, he says "It is what it is. You're not 18 anymore." I have 3 gray hairs that I insist are "mutant clear hairs" but they're not. They're just gray. And right on time.

Chances are you won't get hit by that proverbial bus people always talk about when they're smoking a Lucky Strike and tipping back on their chair. Odds are also on your side (thank God) that you won't ever get the news from your doctor that you have only months left to live. But you know what he may very well tell you? That you need a new hip. Nobody ever says "live it up because someday you might need a new hip" but it's the truth. They don't say "Be good to one another because in time we'll all know a medical lab technician on a first name basis" but it happens every day.

My point is that whenever that someday comes, when I slide into the MRI scanner and the thing starts spinning up, spitting lasers and screaming into my ears, I may very well say to myself "I wish I had just one more of those summers."

Being a young man is kick-ass. Being a young man who knows that being a young man is kick-ass is what it's really all about. And as a musician, I'm finally learning to distinguish the notes that matter from the ones that don't. I'm also getting better at knowing those notes as a person, too. I'm excited to bring it all on stage, and even more excited to see you all out there.

Thank you for another one of those summers.

- John