THURSDAY:
My day pretty much sucked. Possibly the worst day ever. I had to be at work and in that time I learned a hundred different ways to curse my company. I was really looking forward to getting out of there and going to the nearest polling booth because the whole voting thing was figuring pretty big on my head. And every minute spent at the office made me feel guilty for not thinking about the elections.
Anyways, so after voting at the local police station, I walked out in the best mood, all cheery at strangers and adding a little skip in my step like I was in the opening scene of a friggin musical. I swung around lampposts and little birds helped me put on my stole and a pup carried my bag home. Then all the lights were dimmed and Gene Kelly started singing and I’ve said too much already but it was so wonderful.

Anyway, for those who voted, good job. I want to kiss you all but I shall hold myself back!

****************************************
FRIDAY:

It’s the reserved side of my phase and I can’t seem meet new people or go outside without feeling some kind of apprehension. This time, the occasion presented itself and I couldn’t say no.

I force myself to go.

It was raining too violently to be wearing an off-shoulder top and a crocheted overcoat, but nothing could stop me from making it to the club. I keep thinking to myself that at this time on a Friday evening, I’m usually unwinding. Watching a movie, finishing off a post and putting away my worries until Monday. Instead, I’m heading out. For days I’ve been trying to understand about how cluttered I feel. There have been new occurrences, both nice and unpleasant, leaving me with a combination of exhilaration and discontentment. The most I can say is that it makes sense, how I feel and I can map out every sensation to a reason.

We find an auto. In it, I listen to the rain but I can’t get my head in the right space. Nothing fits. I’m not feeling gloomy or glad or cynical or bouncy.

Stepping off the auto, my anxiety begins to suffocate me.

I can’t breathe. Maybe some alcohol will help scarf up my nervousness. We visit a club. I walk out into the open aired area. It’s raining quite lightly now. There’s shelter by the door. The intense cool air sucks the breath out of my lungs. I quickly light up the cigarette to get rid of it.

Minutes pass. Resentment and acceptance fill my heart, the former because of my oversight, the latter because there isn’t anything I can do about it.

The rest of the night was spent club-hopping, gulping alcohol and meeting ten new people. At the end of it, I just wanted to go home and shower.

I go through these phases — wariness and boldness, assurance and doubt for a purpose. As much as I need steadiness in my life, I need uncertainty. As much as I need bliss, I need distress. Otherwise, life would remain inert and there would be really nothing to type about.

And as much as I enjoy the comfort of a clear and simple life, I need to welcome the unexpected, the unease, and take a pass on the club thing.

Incubus’ new release, ‘Love Hurts’ is part of the album ‘Light Grenades’ which is tough to define in words.
In a recent interview with Incubus, Brandon Boyd expressed his thoughts on the song:

“It’s almost a little bit of a cliché. It is talking about the idea of love and find love and having it be purity and having it not be tainted by your misperceptions, misconceptions, expectations and transcending the sort of more worldly aspects of the love experience.”
The band is famously known for their very distinctive sound which is a combination of heavy metal, punk, hip hop, surf rock, post-grunge, progressive, folk, and space rock and grunge with funk, jazz, and psychedelic. To me this band tends to paint extensive soundtracks for rainy days and lazy afternoons spent contemplating life. There is something here that transcends the simple clichés of radio ready music and the single song download. Here is a depth and maturity, patience, not often found.

I understand that not everyone can check every blog every single day; I know I can’t, but hopefully through this track ‘Love hurts’, I’ve found something everyone can enjoy.

And enjoy it you shall. And really, if this track is on a blog you might as well check it out. Cheers!

I know as a grown adult it’s absolutely superficial to reveal that I suffer crush-like characteristics because whatever I’m feeling right now translates to ‘Love at first sight’; which according to me is a juvenile-headed passing infatuation, an idiotic or flippant obsession, an unfounded, inexpressible, wild feeling.

Maybe I’m incapable of learning from past mistakes, or I’m a supreme believer of being in love with love itself.

I ‘m still shy and a little self-conscious, when it comes to approaching someone I like. I’ve never matured into the modern woman’s way of asking guys out of, but since college I’ve learned that boys are a good thing. Certainly, men are better.
I would tell myself, “This feeling will go by. This is a part of your life, a silly crush; time or chance will have me come off this.”
And it happened as expected. I would get over it eventually, having talked to myself of such a plan. Then one day, I realized that I was only deceiving myself. It became obvious when I’d think of that someone in the rhythm of every song. It’s amusing to think that with the good judgment a person would’ve achieved with age, I can still be made to feel such a pubescent emotion. I don’t think I expected myself to feel this way again, at this age, not with what I’ve been through.

So I contacted a few friends, got a name of the mysterious Mr. Good Looking and made contact. I suppose it shouldn’t come as a surprise; this one’s been a source of dreamy inspiration as of late. Composing a little note got me all flustered and got to be nothing but a display of ridiculous words. Something that’s funny in observation, but rather maddening in the moment.

To be so distressed this way always takes me by surprise.

And then a simple reply and your heart stops. What a silly thing a crush is.

Every single day that I am at work I find a way to listen to music. Some days I find myself drifting along to whatever 100Hitz The Alternative Rock Station has to offer; other days I browse random websites, myspace pages, and other forms of online media like youtube, and on a few days each month I dive into old albums and songs that I’ve always loved. I love music and I love to hear random tracks, brilliant live covers, and new music from artists that I genuinely appreciate.

There used to be a television series that I was quite addicted to a couple of years ago. It was called ‘One Tree Hill’. Only two seasons were aired in India and let’s face it, which sucks. For those of you who missed it here’s the basic formula of the plot. A bunch of good looking actors and actresses convince you they’re in high school. Once they've succeeded doing that, they suck you into a never ending storyline filled with mysterious histories, more high school drama, and quite a bit of the sex.

Besides that they have a pretty killer soundtrack and a bunch of amazing tracks devoted entirely to each season. I love their albums by the way, and here’s something from Season 5.

I realize that many of you won’t read this post and really don’t give a rats ass about anything. But just in case you are reading this post but too lazy to go to their MySpace page there’s a little player for you weaker minded fiends. Just click on the play button. I have a feeling that everything this band touches is wonderful.

The Week I Worked Too Much, Met Someone New and Finally Bought a New Toy

I was starting to become increasingly unavailable for anything fun thanks to my job (which threatens to wipe away all signs of a smile on my face, this will be discussed later), so when my manager at the old office called, inviting me to dinner I did what any rational-minded overworked employee would do- Accept it! My first job was at a radio station and my manager and old friend, Geoffrey, was leaving the station to return home to Chennai. I believed that some good karma had wanted me to take a well-deserved break for putting up with my completely bizarre work so, I decided to go for it and ended the call feeling like no good deed ever went unpunished.

I hurriedly left work on Thursday night, blazed my way home for a quick shower, then met up with a couple of ex-radio jockeys and headed for dinner at Jaymahal Palace. We were at the venue quite early and I figured that I could make better conversation if I filled my shy and nervous body with a few Screwdrivers. The boss wasn’t happy with just seeing me wolfing down a few so he ordered for more and then my mind was filled with animated visions of drinking wildly, saying quaint and humorous things while eating assorted meats and peanuts, and gulping down a strange green welcome drink. During my disoriented state I was interrupted by a guy who had just walked up to the table. Once he sat down, I patiently waited for an introduction but my ex colleague, wanted to tell me something important and before I knew it the introductions were over and welcome drinks were being passed around. Great! I just missed meeting Mr. Good Looking! Weakly, I turned back to my old friend and we continued our conversation.

Every now and then I would steal a glance at him and think that he reminded me of everything good with echoes of 'He's Different'. Ruggedly handsome, broad across the shoulders with a football player's build and even I didn’t need to be sober to dial 1-800-Dial-a-Psychic to tell me that he was breaking my heart into a million little mushies. Where was this guy when I was working at the radio station and actually looking for true love?
Should I give him a smile or walk up to him? He laughs at somebody who just said something funny and I wish I could’ve said something funnier that would get him to laugh like that again. I don't know if that amounts to being childish or just being really hopeless. I drink more greedily and the alcohol works its way into my brain. I’m figuring out our song, that love-dovey mess, ‘I can’t make you love me’. I'll muster up some courage, a piss-pant crybaby who should’ve been voted “Shyest Person" in high school, to tell him how I feel. And we'll run away together, like Bonnie and Clyde, and makeup and breakup, and makeup and breakup until I'm sent to tv soap-opera hell to say cheesy lines like, "Darling, where for art thou?"

For once, the alcohol’s not working in my favour. It’s making me act too withdrawn. I finally give up…I haven’t made any progress and I’m drunk. I can feel the intoxicant coursing through my veins and knew nothing good was going to come of tonight so I decided to leave. My ex-colleagues offered to drop me home and I accepted. I just wanted the dreadful night to end.

Colleague 1: Hey man did you notice the hottie sitting in front of you?
Me: Who didn’t?
Colleague 2: Yeah, he was quite the looker.
Colleague 1: You should’ve made conversation with our side of the table.
Me: Who me?
Colleague 1: Yeah, you!
Me: Why? Did you feel left out? I’m so sorry if I didn’t talk to you. I thought you were busy talking to the other guys at the table so I just kept Colleague 2 busy with my amusing banter.
Colleague 1: Oh, I was busy making conversation. But I just wanted to tell you that you were being checked out by the cutie at the table.
Me: Really!!!???!!!
Colleague: Yeah… but I guess it’s kinda late for you to make any moves.
Me: Thanks!

And I haven’t stopped beating myself up for it, well not after I realized that I cannot always have things going my way with the good men out there, so I’d get myself something looking closer to perfection. That’s what I did on Saturday; I got myself this new baby-
It wasn’t an impulsive buy. No no, I’m not that rich. But it came highly rated and recommended. It seemed not only to be a quality product, but affordable too. Of course, I also spent the extra money for the extended warranty. No matter what type of camera you plan on purchasing, I suggest, from personal experience, that you do the same. Once I purchased the camera, I couldn't wait to take it out of the box. Then, I couldn't wait to take my first picture. The LCD screen size is a 3 inch, which is a little bit larger than most other digital cameras. The buttons are also easy to use; in fact, they are so easy to use that just about anyone can learn to use the camera, in a matter of minutes. Of course, it is also important to concentrate on the additional features. The Kodak Z1015 IS is a 10 Mega Pixel camera. It has an internal memory of 64 MB. The total zoom range for the camera is 75X which includes 15X optical and 5X digital. This is important because I was told that digital cameras, especially if they create larger sized pictures, need to have both a digital zoom and an optical zoom. So, I’ve attached the supplied shoulder strap and voila....I’m ready to go snap away at anything that moves.

I wish I was a bigger fan of Depeche Mode because they are absolutely brilliant. There, I said it. So I thought I’d troll the internet and find a great track by these guys to cheer everyone up in what has become a bit of a rough stretch for the world. Now, it would be best if you simply click on the link below to listen/download this track and ignore what I’m saying. The song is delightful. Wait for it.

The Rebel in me

I am the sort of person who is consistently working for the opposition in an expected course of action, view, or habit. For example strict vegetarians make me want to eat raw meat and gun down camels, extremely obsessive correctness of any kind brings out my hidden sarcasm and coldness, and when I observe public displays of affection, my senses tell me to put off dating for eternity.
So what I’m trying to say is this; if you're doing or saying something, and you make it very obvious that you won’t budge or hear out a perspective, then odds are, I will turn it down. And if you’re going to ask me why, well it’s cos life is extra entertaining that way.

I know I’m hardly alone when it comes to rebelling this way and people like us do make up a huge slice of this world….you know the ones I'm talking about, the ones who can never just be of the same opinion with a prevalent and regularly held way of thinking. Someone who insists that David Bowie’s version of ‘Man who sold the world’ was the best version, that Gin Blossoms was better than Matchbox Twenty or Counting Crows, that the answer to "Michael Jackson or Madonna?" is Tears for Fears, that Hendrix’s ‘Bold as Love’ was one of the finest instrumentals to be ever played, that Marvin Gay out-funked Gloria Gaynor or Smokey Robinson, or that Lifehouse is somehow the quintessential alternative band.

I’m not a music contrarian. But in case you meet one, you can bet your lucky dime that their going to be packed with a 10-minute lecture as to why Gary Moore never outperformed Lynyrd Skynyrd.

And what is the reason that you or I or our friends should resort to this need to disagree or play mine-is-better-than-yours? Is it just for the sake of thrusting our opinions, or to emphasize our unique eccentricity? Is it really that important? Are we really that bothered? I think we are very concerned. I think that for folks whose characters and personalities have been shaped by music or art we swear by, we replicate just as easily the next day to people we interact with; by beliefs that make unquestionable significance or make so trivial significance that we venerate them all the more; by those long stretches of time we give to them and by the effort it takes to adopt them, not just for a moment but to be dependent on it for life -- that is not anything you can admit defeat to so effortlessly or willingly. You wrangle with and you go against the standard not just to be an arrogant prick, but to stick up for all that you've held onto over the years…. even if you're absolutely wide of the mark.
In other news, saying that someone sounds a bit like a bunch of other singers might seem a bit like a mash up. True, it reads like Lior Narkis is going to sound like a mass confusion of influences and styles and run on sentences. And while his sound is varied and complex I would never for a second suggest that he is anything less than brilliant. Underrated yes. Conflicted yes. Great musically and lyrically, double yes.

He’s not to be confused with the pop artist who goes by the same name, who is also from Israel and far more famous than he is. What sets him apart other than the genre of music and the distinctive sound; is that he spells superb originality. What he does have is a weight and sound that is captivating. By this track you’ll have already decided that you’re going to listen to the song one more time, maybe more, and you’ll want to understand what he’s talking about because those who hear him want to be a part of something this wonderful.

Here’s the one and only Lior Narkis featuring Sia on this track ‘I’ll forget you’

A Day at the Doctor’s

It was that time of year, and I was delaying it. My friends told me their results- high cholesterol, low hemoglobin, poor diet…. So I decided there was going to be no more of that dallying around… it was time for my medical check-up, but making that appointment was so damn hard to do. If you're like me, you'd more willingly do housework than go for a physical. However, if you're like me and in your mid 20s, there's really no reason why you shouldn’t go for one. I was putting off the medical check-up because I hate getting blood tests. Nevertheless, with relation to blood tests, I've made some giant treads in the way I behave when I get them in the past few years. The injections don’t hurt like hell like they used to and I don’t come out of the room wailing, holding my arm to my chest as if I’ve just been beaten to a pulp. And here’s a secret…. Don't look at the needle in your arm. When you're body is being jabbed at, do like me. Turn the other way or shut your eyes tight, call upon god or some mystical force, envision your happy place but don't even get a teensy bit curious and take a small peek. You may see crimson and keel over if you're anything like me. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Once that was over I wasn't really relieved because then you’re thinking about the results of the blood test and that’s getting you all paranoid. I have to face reality. In the past year my eating habits were way out of control and I am dreading a bad report. I just know that all the butter I slobber over at lunch won’t be so good for my cholesterol, and maybe for the first time in my life I might be dealing with high blood pressure. Strangely enough, when I was done with the X-Ray, the ECG and the Ultrasound which followed the blood test I felt relieved, as if a heavy weight had been lifted off my mind. Granted, I’m still worried about the problems I could have, but my mind feels so much freer and lighter. Getting myself to the hospital was in a way a blessing because it’s going to straighten me into total commitment to start (as well as stay on) a food plan to live healthy.

I'm writing this to egg you guys on; so just go ahead and make that appointment for your medical checkup. Before my band of fans have a scare, let me hurry and guarantee you that I haven’t had my consultation or any of that scary stuff yet. Next week I shall visit the dietician, physician and gynecologist. My blood pressure is up a bit in anticipation of the news. Hopefully, I won’t be asked to make sacrifices on any of my three favorite food groups - alcohol, chocolate and cheese. If I was ever told to stop stuffing my face with junk food they might as well have thrust the sharpest sword in my side. I’d be nothing but a crushed ruin of my former glory if I have to live a miserable and drab future without red meat, cheesy nothings, screwdrivers and all that stuff that makes life worth living.
There is an eclectic artist – Ben Taylor. He’s rising up and moving in to stay awhile. In an era where so many of today's artists make big entrances and seem to vanish after a couple of songs, it is anticipated by many that Ben Taylor won’t be one of them. This artist creates a tasteful blend of rhythm and lyrics welcomed in an era where originality is rare, highly favored and tirelessly pursued.

On listening to his music I’m instantly drawn to the fact that this man has a contemporary sound with an "old school" feel. Listen and you will be pulled in by the rhythm which seem to throw out any feeling of redundancy. The songs are ingenious and on the ball. The track I’m playing today is titled "Time of the season" and is a bit up-tempo; a little different from the rest of his music… but go ahead take a listen I’m sure you’ll like it!

(EDIT: source for this post's music is Pete. Thanks bro!)