Darn Crush!

Okay, let's talk about something we all do, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. We've all been infatuated with complete strangers. Sometimes it can be someone whose face you see quite often on your facebook page or on TV, sometimes it's someone you just see around the place. Usually these crushes are meaningless and risk-free. At times they trigger trouble, particularly if you choose to take it all to your head. But this post is about the trouble-free one. I prefer most things that way.

It could be the guy who passes you by every morning or the guy who smiles at you without saying a single word. Not really an absolute alien, 'cause you’re there and he’s there quite often, but the only dialogue you ever have are along the dazzling lines of:

"Hey you."
"Good morning."
"The weekend was good."

Yet you find yourself miles away with him, imagining what he’ll be like on a proper date or what he’ll sound like over the phone.

It could be that musician whose voice you love. You find yourself looking at his picture on your desktop more often than you work or play his music - but you always rush out to get a hold of his new album anyway.

Maybe it's the radio producer who's surely the only reason you hear that radio show. Or someone who works at the same building you do but you've never figured out exactly where. Or possibly just someone you walk past on the street.

In all probability if you ever actually got to know the person you'd be frustrated. But then again, who knows? The earth is bursting with random goodness.

I can't really write this without disclosing a random infatuation of my own. I choose Danny Pino, who's been the most TV-visible for me in the past few weeks. He seems like a sweetheart.
I'd tell you a seen-in-real-life one but "that guy I see passing me by sometimes" doesn't tell you much, does it?

On my way to work, listening to Meghana Dawan’s show on Radio Indigo is the norm; I'm hearing a lot more popular music. I'm mostly blasé, but who cares?

Today, we've got Amanda Marshall. If you don't know who she is, well you're about to find out.
Marshall’s on this song called ‘Dark Horse’. It was recorded during 1996 if anyone cares. This artist and the song - I'm quite fond of. I like to hear a good song, with a great tune and even better lyrics, in a way that makes me think about it or that illuminates something about it. Her music falls under pop-rock with emphasis on pop melodies and ballads. This Canadian artist was born in a biracial family – daughter to a Caucasian father and a Black mother. In many of her songs, she has implicitly, referred to her racial identity "as a woman who looks white but is also half-black". She does this breathy vocal thing with the deep voice thing which was quite popular with early 90’s music. Well not really but you get the idea.

‘Dark Horse’ by Amanda Marshall initially did not impress me, but has now grown on me.
If you do listen to this track, please leave a comment telling me whether you liked it or not. Even if it's monosyllabic. Enjoy!

I know as a grown adult it’s absolutely superficial to reveal that I suffer crush-like characteristics because whatever I’m feeling right now translates to ‘Love at first sight’; which according to me is a juvenile-headed passing infatuation, an idiotic or flippant obsession, an unfounded, inexpressible, wild feeling.

Maybe I’m incapable of learning from past mistakes, or I’m a supreme believer of being in love with love itself.

I ‘m still shy and a little self-conscious, when it comes to approaching someone I like. I’ve never matured into the modern woman’s way of asking guys out of, but since college I’ve learned that boys are a good thing. Certainly, men are better.
I would tell myself, “This feeling will go by. This is a part of your life, a silly crush; time or chance will have me come off this.”
And it happened as expected. I would get over it eventually, having talked to myself of such a plan. Then one day, I realized that I was only deceiving myself. It became obvious when I’d think of that someone in the rhythm of every song. It’s amusing to think that with the good judgment a person would’ve achieved with age, I can still be made to feel such a pubescent emotion. I don’t think I expected myself to feel this way again, at this age, not with what I’ve been through.

So I contacted a few friends, got a name of the mysterious Mr. Good Looking and made contact. I suppose it shouldn’t come as a surprise; this one’s been a source of dreamy inspiration as of late. Composing a little note got me all flustered and got to be nothing but a display of ridiculous words. Something that’s funny in observation, but rather maddening in the moment.

To be so distressed this way always takes me by surprise.

And then a simple reply and your heart stops. What a silly thing a crush is.

Every single day that I am at work I find a way to listen to music. Some days I find myself drifting along to whatever 100Hitz The Alternative Rock Station has to offer; other days I browse random websites, myspace pages, and other forms of online media like youtube, and on a few days each month I dive into old albums and songs that I’ve always loved. I love music and I love to hear random tracks, brilliant live covers, and new music from artists that I genuinely appreciate.

There used to be a television series that I was quite addicted to a couple of years ago. It was called ‘One Tree Hill’. Only two seasons were aired in India and let’s face it, which sucks. For those of you who missed it here’s the basic formula of the plot. A bunch of good looking actors and actresses convince you they’re in high school. Once they've succeeded doing that, they suck you into a never ending storyline filled with mysterious histories, more high school drama, and quite a bit of the sex.

Besides that they have a pretty killer soundtrack and a bunch of amazing tracks devoted entirely to each season. I love their albums by the way, and here’s something from Season 5.

I realize that many of you won’t read this post and really don’t give a rats ass about anything. But just in case you are reading this post but too lazy to go to their MySpace page there’s a little player for you weaker minded fiends. Just click on the play button. I have a feeling that everything this band touches is wonderful.

The Week I Worked Too Much, Met Someone New and Finally Bought a New Toy

I was starting to become increasingly unavailable for anything fun thanks to my job (which threatens to wipe away all signs of a smile on my face, this will be discussed later), so when my manager at the old office called, inviting me to dinner I did what any rational-minded overworked employee would do- Accept it! My first job was at a radio station and my manager and old friend, Geoffrey, was leaving the station to return home to Chennai. I believed that some good karma had wanted me to take a well-deserved break for putting up with my completely bizarre work so, I decided to go for it and ended the call feeling like no good deed ever went unpunished.

I hurriedly left work on Thursday night, blazed my way home for a quick shower, then met up with a couple of ex-radio jockeys and headed for dinner at Jaymahal Palace. We were at the venue quite early and I figured that I could make better conversation if I filled my shy and nervous body with a few Screwdrivers. The boss wasn’t happy with just seeing me wolfing down a few so he ordered for more and then my mind was filled with animated visions of drinking wildly, saying quaint and humorous things while eating assorted meats and peanuts, and gulping down a strange green welcome drink. During my disoriented state I was interrupted by a guy who had just walked up to the table. Once he sat down, I patiently waited for an introduction but my ex colleague, wanted to tell me something important and before I knew it the introductions were over and welcome drinks were being passed around. Great! I just missed meeting Mr. Good Looking! Weakly, I turned back to my old friend and we continued our conversation.

Every now and then I would steal a glance at him and think that he reminded me of everything good with echoes of 'He's Different'. Ruggedly handsome, broad across the shoulders with a football player's build and even I didn’t need to be sober to dial 1-800-Dial-a-Psychic to tell me that he was breaking my heart into a million little mushies. Where was this guy when I was working at the radio station and actually looking for true love?
Should I give him a smile or walk up to him? He laughs at somebody who just said something funny and I wish I could’ve said something funnier that would get him to laugh like that again. I don't know if that amounts to being childish or just being really hopeless. I drink more greedily and the alcohol works its way into my brain. I’m figuring out our song, that love-dovey mess, ‘I can’t make you love me’. I'll muster up some courage, a piss-pant crybaby who should’ve been voted “Shyest Person" in high school, to tell him how I feel. And we'll run away together, like Bonnie and Clyde, and makeup and breakup, and makeup and breakup until I'm sent to tv soap-opera hell to say cheesy lines like, "Darling, where for art thou?"

For once, the alcohol’s not working in my favour. It’s making me act too withdrawn. I finally give up…I haven’t made any progress and I’m drunk. I can feel the intoxicant coursing through my veins and knew nothing good was going to come of tonight so I decided to leave. My ex-colleagues offered to drop me home and I accepted. I just wanted the dreadful night to end.

Colleague 1: Hey man did you notice the hottie sitting in front of you?
Me: Who didn’t?
Colleague 2: Yeah, he was quite the looker.
Colleague 1: You should’ve made conversation with our side of the table.
Me: Who me?
Colleague 1: Yeah, you!
Me: Why? Did you feel left out? I’m so sorry if I didn’t talk to you. I thought you were busy talking to the other guys at the table so I just kept Colleague 2 busy with my amusing banter.
Colleague 1: Oh, I was busy making conversation. But I just wanted to tell you that you were being checked out by the cutie at the table.
Me: Really!!!???!!!
Colleague: Yeah… but I guess it’s kinda late for you to make any moves.
Me: Thanks!

And I haven’t stopped beating myself up for it, well not after I realized that I cannot always have things going my way with the good men out there, so I’d get myself something looking closer to perfection. That’s what I did on Saturday; I got myself this new baby-
It wasn’t an impulsive buy. No no, I’m not that rich. But it came highly rated and recommended. It seemed not only to be a quality product, but affordable too. Of course, I also spent the extra money for the extended warranty. No matter what type of camera you plan on purchasing, I suggest, from personal experience, that you do the same. Once I purchased the camera, I couldn't wait to take it out of the box. Then, I couldn't wait to take my first picture. The LCD screen size is a 3 inch, which is a little bit larger than most other digital cameras. The buttons are also easy to use; in fact, they are so easy to use that just about anyone can learn to use the camera, in a matter of minutes. Of course, it is also important to concentrate on the additional features. The Kodak Z1015 IS is a 10 Mega Pixel camera. It has an internal memory of 64 MB. The total zoom range for the camera is 75X which includes 15X optical and 5X digital. This is important because I was told that digital cameras, especially if they create larger sized pictures, need to have both a digital zoom and an optical zoom. So, I’ve attached the supplied shoulder strap and voila....I’m ready to go snap away at anything that moves.

I wish I was a bigger fan of Depeche Mode because they are absolutely brilliant. There, I said it. So I thought I’d troll the internet and find a great track by these guys to cheer everyone up in what has become a bit of a rough stretch for the world. Now, it would be best if you simply click on the link below to listen/download this track and ignore what I’m saying. The song is delightful. Wait for it.