Attempts To Heal Myself (2)

Last night I watched this really amusing film called ‘Employee of the Month’. It would’ve been a pretty good night except that I discovered that this guy I really like cheated on this girl I knew. And guess who the other girl was? ME!

Doh!!

With this discovery everything felt stressful. I really don’t know how to handle this sort of thing yet. But it feels like I’m getting used to it.

I’ve been asked why I constantly upload pictures on facebook. Why do I feel the need to capture moments? Why can’t I just experience it? I think that I’m just trying to pass on one amazing experience to someone else.

One of the things my folks have never understood about me is that I’m very much unlike the person they think they know. I feel like I’ll never be able to explain how I would rather listen to music all day and not search for my future husband or spend time learning to cook. They’ve never felt the bass that thumps your veins or felt the rhythm of a song in their stomachs or understood people pumping their fists when they listen to something they can’t contain their excitement for. I’ve spent so much time away from them in new and different situations in this crazy world, how could I expect them to understand? That’s one of the reasons why I want to move out - there’s just so much of a disconnect. Even if they can’t comprehend why I do the things I do, I hope they can accept it.

Heard a song on the radio today. Used to be one of my favorites when I worked at the radio station. I used to play this song every time I had control over the song selection. I sure do miss my days there. The band’s called Johnny Hates Jazz. They came up with music known as New Romantic pop during the 80's. While the band appeared to be trying too hard to tug at pop-loving hearts, their music was catchy. So for all you 80’s lovers, go ahead and take a listen to this track – Johnny Hates Jazz ‘Heart of Gold’. Enjoy the music.