Yeah, I’ve been on this weird trip and I just wish this phase would pass. I usually make it to church Sunday mornings, no matter what. It’s not just a way to reinforce my beliefs; it also gives me some time to be alone. Who knows I might hear a word or two that would help me. This Sunday felt just worse. It was that sick empty feeling crawling in my stomach when I watched couples come into church. It really bugged me that I cared about this so much. I hate it when I start getting down about being alone when there are so many great things about being single. I love my independence, my freedom to do whatever I want when I want to. Yet as I sat in church I looked at wives caressing their husbands and husbands stroking the necks of their wives while the preacher spoke. I just couldn’t help thinking, I want that. I have this fabulous life and I just want someone to share it with. I don’t think that’s much to ask. I don’t need a boyfriend, I just want one. The only thing that bugs me about meeting men at church is the idea of some of these churchy types. Girls, you know what I’m talking about. The plain Joe, dorky, I love you Jesus type that wants to impress you by kissing your father's ass. But I figured there has to be other people out there like me. More spiritual than religious?
Last night I was having what I’d like to call Social Anxiety Phobia. The idea of being home with my folks filled me with panic and I couldn’t stand it. I tried making plans to see the Galeej Gurus’ concert at Alliance Francaise but even thinking about it, I could tell, wasn’t going to help. I wanted to have a low key night and talk to my lost friend who should be back in B’lore now. The rest of the gang went for the play. It didn’t feel like I missed out on anything really. Sometimes, even though you’re surrounded by people, you can still feel completely alone.
My team lead, Ruan, Runa and me called RJ today. She’s back in L.A and her roomies threw her a huge welcome back party. Man, I miss her. Ruan says that every time she uses RJ’s hairdryer she can smell her. Every time I look at the colour of my hair I’m reminded of her.
Heard ‘I am the Walrus’ by The Beatles. That song makes no sense to me but its super fun. I love singing it out and annoying my friends. :D There is actually a course in the U.S called ‘Beatles Appreciation’. Lennon had supposedly explained in many interviews that these were just nonsensical lyrics that he often liked using. He made this song sound really catchy and fabulous yet the lyrics are crazy and have absolutely no meaning. I’d still like to think that there’s a message in the beginning:
‘I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together’
This version of the song has been sung by Bono and played by the Secret Machines.
June 23, 2008
The Modernist Dance
June 22, 2008
What Normal People Hear
Here I am, bored as hell on a Sunday evening. Folks have been complaining that I never spend enough time with them nowadays and that I’m much undisciplined. By undisciplined of course they mean I do the things I want to do without asking their permission. My twin and I decided we couldn’t take the shit at home anymore. It isn’t final as yet, but we’ve zeroed in on a place and we’re planning to move into it next month or so. Something close to home so that my parents wont feel abandoned and far enough to call it our own.
Last night I dreamt of the crooner and how awfully nice it would be to see him again. I hate that he just moved on and never bothered to give me an explanation. I’m so mad and hurt and I can’t help but wonder why I couldn’t get him to stay with me.*blah* I should really learn to let him go. I hate that feeling you get when you get something you’ve always fantasized about and it doesn’t turn out to be what you thought it would be. I guess that’s life. Some things just can’t be explained.
I was looking at this picture of Bipasha Basu looking all toned and polished. Pretty scary, huh? Yet, we’re starting to believe that this stuff is real, that skin is supposed to look like that.
I think I’m having an existential crisis. I don’t even know what that means...but it feels like I’m going through something like that right now.
What’s the point of anything? I need someone to argue with.
Taika’s wasn’t so great last night. I wasn’t up to it and watching everybody else jump around didn’t make me feel better one bit. I met one of my ex’s friends. He saved the night or was it the alcohol??
Cancelled plans to go for the play. Mood’s killing me. I watched this really cool movie yesterday morning called '21'. I looooovvvveee Jim Sturgess.
Read this somewhere: ‘The earth is round. That means we’re all on the same side.’
For my crooner 'Not one night' by Mr. Big
June 21, 2008
Losing Grip
I don’t really know what the elusive ingredient is, but I’m certain that they are a set apart from the crowd of musical peers they're in. I heard their music for the first time in the radio station I worked at a couple of years ago and I quickly found myself coming to the conclusion that such a band’s music is to be revered and will remain special to me for a long time to come. For me, they come out with simply ‘the right sound’. I couldn’t find their CD anywhere or the song that I liked so much online. I’m still on the hunt.
I ask myself how I handle all the bullshit at work. But I guess once you’ve given up your dreams there’s a surprisingly larger realm of possibility that appears for you.
What’s left when you get old and don’t want to turn out like those hippies who want to party all the time and you don’t want to be soccer mom either? Too soon to be thinking about this stuff. I’ve got some partying to do tonite.
Have a great weekend y’all. Here's another one by Holly Brook called 'Curious'
June 20, 2008
Concerto from the Outspoken
Tired, very tired. Feel like my poor little brain has been over-worked. I finally finished categorizing 600 cases… Phew! Hoping next week will be better.
Facebook is really addictive. There are tons of classmates and childhood buddies who want to get in touch with you. I think my addiction to facebook isn’t as bad as some others (atleast I’d like to think so). I must say that it’s better than any other social networking site. It held my attention longer than any of them did.
Dexter is addictive too. I coaxed my friend into watching it with me and now she loves it so much. Today, we watched the last episode of the second season together. It was quite disheartening to let the serial killer go. Boo Hoo!
My twin wants to talk to me about her new boyfriend. Everytime we’re together, all conversations lead to her new romance. It’s past annoying already. Then again, I have other things to worry about at the moment.
While my parents don’t approve of me drinking alcohol, me and alcohol get along pretty well. I’m a beer kind of person and luckily for me, the people at work like beer too so at company parties, beer always flows freely!
Yes, Euro 2008 is here and my family’s glued to the television. No particular favorite team for me. I just like watching soccer. It’s short and what a better reason than watching good-looking men in shorts running on the field. Cristiano Ronaldo, Nuno Gomez and Michael Ballack - you make soccer worth watching!
Colleagues at work are making plans of leaving. A couple of months ago I wanted to join the rebels and quit too. But with the new process I kinda like it here. It’s no more reviewing and writing 70 character ads but some serious investigating- man! I feel like a cop. (Flashing my badge) ‘The online police are here. Advertisers fret not!’
Tomorrow it’s clubbing at a particular club on church street! Dance, dance, dance some more and drink myself silly! The music’s not going to be very nice. Electro and house - whatever that is. I’m guessing after a couple of pitchers of beer it won’t really matter what’s playing. All that dancing is going be the first real exercise I manage to get in two months!
I feel like there’s so much I can get done in one day but I never have the energy to do half of it.
Hope everyone else’ world is doing fine.
New one from Lee Ann Rimes called ‘Nothing Better To Do’. Been listening to it all day.
June 19, 2008
Blurred Out
I finally get to blog from home. My laptop has been giving me some problems the last couple of weeks. I nearly fainted from shock when the fella fixing it told me my music had been wiped out. Turns out he was playing a prank. Too bad I wasn’t so forgiving.
Mister N, I kinda miss you but I’ve got too much of an ego to get back with you.
I just want to bury myself right now. I just don’t know why I put in time and put up with people who annoy the hell out of me.
I would do anything for some pork ribs right now. Fragrant and juiced up just right. Yum yum yum!
Spoke to Pratz yesterday. Oh I miss her so much. Team lead at work wants to go partying this Saturday. Whoppee! I haven’t been to a club in a long time. So this is all soooooo exciting for me. Okay, so here's a questionnaire i took recently:
Three screennames you have: Eveline, Evuhleen, ?
Three things you like about yourself: My love for music, my sense of humour (however crappy it is) and my eyes.
Three things you dislike about yourself: Lack of belief in myself, impulsive and a bit superficial.
Three parts of your heritage: Tamilian, Telegite (That’s as much as I know of my heritage)
Three things that scare you: Not being in love, not being liked and my dad.
Three things you are wearing right now: Black? My hair in curls and a nose ring.
Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment): Coldplay, Ingrid Michaelson and Lion of Ido
Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given): Understanding, acceptance and lots and lots of talking!
Two truths and a lie (random order): I’m a drama queen, I can drive a car and I do not know how to use a washing machine.
Three physical things about the opposite (or same) sex that appeal to you: a big smile, smells great and someone who sings well.
Three things you want to do really badly right now: Meet fugdy ;), be more proactive about my life and laugh alot more!
Three careers you're considering: Magazine editor, makeup artist, ?
Three places you want to go on vacation: Tuscany, Morocco and Cairo
Three kids' names: Elvis, Taberah and Jason
Three things you want to do before you die: Adopt kids, take my friends on a vacation and marry the love of my life.
My favourite from Dave Matthews Band - 'American Baby'
